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MerwinBray
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A serious question
Mar 30th, 2008 at 8:43pm
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I wasn't sure where to turn with this one, but then I thought this board may be able to help. While at a Boy Scout campout this weekend I was asked by one of the boys mothers to help her overcome her fear of guns. She witnessed a very bad situation when she was younger. It involved someone close to her. SHe has boys and they are scouts. Scouts shoot .22s. One of her boys comes to my house often as he is a friend of my boys and she knows I shoot and have guns. She will literaly shudder when she sees one. She doesn't like her boys around them but tries.
She asked if my wife and I would help her overcome her fear. It is not just a fear of guns, she relives what she saw. I have helped other people I have know be comfortable with the thought of a gun and even got some of them shooting. But they were more just brainwashed by society. I don't think she wants to be a shooter, just not have hang ups for her sons' sakes. We live in a rural type community and nearly everyone hunts, shoots, etc. SHe doesn't want her boys to miss out on these things with friends.
I related to her when I saw a friend that was killed in a car wreck when I was a teenager and how I just had to drive my car and that was that. It did change my driving habits. But I must admit that when I saw a friend killed on his motorcycle, I just haven't hardly ridden since. That one wasn't even his fault. But it did affect me.
I don't know if we have any Doctors on the forum. If anyone could lend a suggetion, please PM me. I think that the simple fact she wants to make the effort is a huge start.
Thanks,
Jon ( MerwinBray )
  

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QuestionableMaynard8130
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Re: A serious question
Reply #1 - Mar 30th, 2008 at 8:55pm
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Jon,  I don't have any answers.  Sounds like a real deepseated aversion due to that previous experience that might require professional help.  I wish you and her luck.  I both respect her willingness to give it a try, and your willingness to help her.

   just an offhand idea that just occurred to me.  perhaps a counselor who works with law enforcement and victims in firearms situations might be able to give you some suggestions.
  

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13Echo
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Re: A serious question
Reply #2 - Mar 30th, 2008 at 9:48pm
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This can be difficult but the fact that she has asked for help means she wants to face her fear and that is the only way to overcome the fear.  It also means she has a high probability of success.  Of course it depends on how determined she is and just how badly scarred she was by the incident.  Learning to properly handle firearms will likely help her get over the trauma.

I would start by talking to her about basic safe handling of firearms using something like an airgun or a dartgun or even a slingshot for a prop.  A slingshot would be amost certainly totally non-threating and  would tend to make the initial training a bit fun as the fear is not there.  Get her to holding the piece and practice proper handling.  Do it in a neutral, safe environment without more than one other person, preferably not her children, or even her husband, perhaps with a female friend that is comfortable with firearms. It may even be useful to have someone else with the same problem as they often tend to support each other.  It needs to be a nice, quiet situation without the pressure of family or a lot of other people.   Don't get too detailed - she doesn't need to know, at least at this stage, how many grains the bullet weighs or details of trajectory.  Just how to handle the piece and how to aim and shoot safely.  Have her shoot it a few times at a neutral type target (no bunnies or cute squirrels or deer- Bambi or Thumper would be real no-nos), fairly close by so she will hit and and have some success the first time she shoots.  Do this probably two or three sessions till she is reasonably comfortable with an airgun then graduate to a .22 rifle and do the same.  After a few sessions with emphasis on proper handling and actually shooting she should be better if not completely OK.  I'd make certain she actually gets quite a bit of shooting in the later sessions.  Whether or not you progress to more powerful weapons or pistols will depend on how she reacts and is not really necessary for success though she may surprise you.  The fact that she expresses interest may indicate some degree of attraction that just needs a gentle introduction to blossom.  Who knows, she might be shooting schuetzen next year.

Keep it simple.  Keep it low pressure.  Make it fun if you can.  Stop each session when she has had some success so she leaves feeling good and is ready to come back for the next session.  If she can't get past the first sessions she will need more serious help.  Unfortunately there are very few professional counselors that have much interest in or sympathy for firearms.

Jerry Liles
  
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Paul_F.
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Re: A serious question
Reply #3 - Mar 30th, 2008 at 9:58pm
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Wow... 
Talk about a delicate and challenging situation!


Along with the excellent advice already posted, I was wondering if it might be good to start with an introduction to PARTS of firearms in an unassembled state. Instead of having her handle a 1911 pistol, show her a 1911 slide or stripped barrel first.

Start with something completely different from what she remembers from her bad experience.  If that was a handgun, start with a single shot rifle.  If that was a rifle, start with a flintlock pistol.  Let her start divorcing the bad memory from what you're showing her.

I agree that the fact that she's ASKING for help is a such a huge step, that it really improves the odds of sucess!

And the fact that you are asking for help is JUST as huge and positive a step.

I wonder if some gunsmithing or firearms training VIDEO's might be a good start... kinda take the edge off without having to touch them.

I hope this helps!
Paul F.
  
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Redwing
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Re: A serious question
Reply #4 - Mar 30th, 2008 at 11:00pm
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Jon !!!

Be very careful about how you help this Woman…

IMHO, A firearm or any of its parts should not be a part of your counsel. Through your words, I don’t think your compassion has the education necessary, nor does mine.

You should advise (and help) her as a friend to find professional help and then if possible even offer to attend her sessions for future knowledge and support.. 

This will also help you see how these thoughts flow through others about firearms. and how to treat these situations.. 

Ed…..
  
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Re: A serious question
Reply #5 - Mar 31st, 2008 at 10:29am
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I would like to make two points here. Redwing gave the only sound advise. Some sort of professional needs to help this woman. Good intensions wont get the job done.

The second point is a sticking point for me. Echo13 used the word weapon in his post. I deduct from his handle and avatar that he probably has military experiance and the word was drilled into him. I, personally, think we should say firearm, pistol, revolver, shotgun, etc. and wince every time we hear the word weapon on the news or elsewhere.

Thanks for letting me rant. Merwinbray help your friend find a professional who will help her.

Bill
  
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marlinguy
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Re: A serious question
Reply #6 - Mar 31st, 2008 at 8:18pm
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I was in a similar situation long ago with my niece. She was held up at gunpoint, and a friend was wounded in the same situation. She had a deathly fear of guns, but wanted to get past it.
I spent many evenings showing her safe handling of various pistols and rifles before we even went to the range. Once we did go, I took two guns; a .22 caliber pistol and rifle. 
We started out firing the rifle one round at a time, and she was not too excited at first. After an hour of shooting the single shot rifle, she was able to try the pistol. We spent about an hour with the little S&W .22 Outdoorsman before quiting. 
Since that first time she has asked to go out once or twice a year. We still have never gone past a .22, but she does say she enjoys that, and feels comfortable to stay at that level.
  
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xxgrampa
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Re: A serious question
Reply #7 - Apr 1st, 2008 at 2:10am
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quite a few people have a 'phobia' about guns.. fortunatly it's quick fix by any good professinal.. usually it's a one session fix..

don't try it yourself, you may do more harm than good..

the best of intentions without the knowledge have ruined many things..

..ttfn..grampa..
  
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MerwinBray
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Re: A serious question
Reply #8 - Apr 5th, 2008 at 9:40am
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Thank you guys for the advice. I think it is obvious I am conflicted here. I know I am not a professional and do NOT want to do any more damage or make her not want to be around me or my family. I will talk to her and find out if she had ever tried any consueling. I suspect if she has, it was to deal with other aspects of what happened. I had not planned on introducing an actual firearm unless she asked me to. She sees them in one of my glass guncases when she is over. Her husband has one nice sporterized '03A3. He has it locked up and had to give her fair warning he was going to show it to me. She told me she fears if he helps he will pressure her too much. 
When ever someone asks me why I like shooting so much I normally ask what their hobby is, or compare it to bowling. They usually start to get it after that. The conversation almost always expands itself.
I will talk to her about seeking help and go from there. Her and her family are good friends and I would like to keep it that way.
I do think, from what she has said, that what she wants is to feel comfortable with her kids and husband going to the range or hunting. I know her husband wants this, He grew up in PA and tells me many stories of the deer he used to hunt. I can tell he wants to be doing it again and I think she is putting undue stress on herself knowing he doesn't out of respect for her fears.
Thanks again guys,
Jon
  

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Donnybrook
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Re: A serious question
Reply #9 - Apr 11th, 2008 at 5:47pm
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I agree with the people who recommend this lady see a professional. 82% of all mental health services in the U S are provided by Social Workers who have a Master's degree and are well well qualified to help with issues just like this. They will also work in conjunction with a Psychiatrist if more help is needed than they are able to provide. They start with an assessment of the person's needs. This lady probably needs help that goes beyond fire arm exposure and training. That may come later and I am glad I belong to an organization that routinely has members who will go out of their way to help others
  
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Re: A serious question
Reply #10 - Apr 21st, 2008 at 10:49am
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There are a lot of issues going on here besides a fear of guns. The lady needs professional help, and it may be covered by insurance,which would be nice because otherwise its very expensive. The next issue is to find a professional who doesn have his or her own irrational fear of guns. If she finds one, let her know that you are available, if you want to do it, to do some hands- on intro to firearms as part of the professional's prescribed course of treatment.

If professional help is not available for whatever reason, and you want to get involved, I would start with a basic gun safety instruction on the basic operation of a firearm, the basic rules of gun safety, followed by some hands-on experience with airguns or rimfire. If she ever gets comfortable with rimfire , move up to some low powered centerfires. Your Schuetzen rilfes would be good due to minimal recoil and noise. Avoid anything with lots of recoil and noise, it will only accentuate her fear.   I hope you find these comments usefull, good luck! Joe S
  
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